When your grand plans for an epic podcast don’t unfold the way you envisioned, you just turn the mic on 2 years later, un-showered with snot dripping off your face, and start talking.
So...welcome to The Sarah Swain Show episode 001! 🫠 I did promise I would keep it real, so don’t ever accuse me of being inauthentic. 💅 it’s a heavy one, though, so brace yourself. In this episode I share the dark reality I have been living for the past 2 years. It has given me another layer of relief to share this, and I hope it gives you the same level of relief if you’re going through some hard shit, too.
There may be more episodes like this. There may not be. I won’t know until the mic turns on, so just know that anything goes here. There is no brand, there is just me. It’s me - I am the brand. There is no topic, there is only what I feel inclined to share. There is no strategy...clearly lol.
Thanks for listening!
Find me on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/iamsarahswain
Check out our co-authorship program at https://www.sovereignacrespublishing.com where I am most definitely leading by example here on the importance of sharing our experiences...but over there we just do it in a non-intimidating format of being physically published in books literally forever - it’s no big deal.
Shop at The Sovereign Acres shop at https://www.sovereignacres.ca - if you listened to this episode and as a result, you grow a set of heartballs to share your own truth, you should go get yourself a heartballs hoodie and it’ll be our secret gang sign when we’re all out in the matrix, I mean in public.
Join The Homestead community at https://thehomestead.circle.so/checkout/the-homestead and come learn, connect and grow along side other rad humans in this community-led space. 👆That link will hook you up with a 30-day trial.
In episode 002, I’ll share some of my amazing sponsors and hook you up with some cool opportunities and discount codes with my affiliate links.
Thats all for now, fam. Thanks for being here.
xo
Sarah
Transcript:
📍 Uh, episode one. Here we go. I have been talking about this podcast for two years, and ironically enough, it was two years ago that I went into this state of collapse. For those of you that don’t know. My story, I started having panic attacks while I was hosting my own event, while I was on stage. And the only reason why anybody knew, and I only disclosed at the event that I had this moment where I thought I was going to pass out.
It’s because I told them that otherwise I deserve an Oscar. For how I was able to move through two days of MCing my own event, while experiencing what I would consider large scale panic attacks. Every time my feet hit the stage between every speaker, I had no idea what was happening. Public speaking is one of my favorite things to do.
Hosting events is something I have historically loved to do and have had huge visions for, and it felt like the quintessential rug pull, like that whole world, that whole vision was being ripped out right from underneath me.
What made it even worse is that they didn’t stop when the event was over. I proceeded to experience such chronic attacks that the quality of my entire life was compromised. I couldn’t drive because I didn’t trust myself to be behind the wheel. Because I have had panic attacks behind the wheel, and if you’ve had a panic attack, you know that the feeling is so visceral that you don’t know if you’re going to pass out loose consciousness or die.
And maintaining care and control of a vehicle is not something that you can guarantee when you’re in an episode like that. I couldn’t go grocery shopping, I couldn’t visit with friends.
Then they started happening in my home when it was just my husband and I, sometimes even just me by myself. I, I don’t know what was scarier. Uh, having a panic attack in the middle of a grocery store just because someone says hi to you. Or having a panic attack when you’re alone in your home and you live in the middle of nowhere with no one around when you’re by yourself.
I,
I don’t know which one was worse.
My only focus was to get well enough between the fall of 2023 and the spring of 2024, so that I could host my second event. And by the grace of God, I managed to get my feet back on that stage,
and I made it through the first day of that event because I was honest with people. About how hard it was for me to actually be on that stage that day. Well, people at that event didn’t know is that those panic attacks came roaring back on day two and followed me into day three. And I’m sure that people at that event are probably trying to recount the times they saw me and like, how could she be experienced something like this when it looked like on the outside she was having such a great time.
It’s one of those things where it’s like, what am I supposed to do in a situation like this? Do I just let myself completely collapse and surrender to this in front of all of my paying guests, or do I just survive this weekend? I don’t know if I made the right decisions in, in any of these situations.
But knowing that, uh, the progress that I had made leading into that event was basically reversed after the second one
was really devastating because it just feels like you’re never gonna have your life back. And you start to witness people doing the most normal, mundane things in their lives and f and feeling so much. I don’t know if envy’s the word, it’s more, more like a yearning to just be able to do those things that we so often always take for granted.
My energetic capacity was depleted. My. Capacity for stress was non-existent. My ability to run my businesses was waning by what felt like every day. I was losing more and more steam, more and more momentum, and that cued the
slow, but near fatal decline of. My revenue streams because I’m someone who deeply believes in authenticity being your major factor in what actually attracts the right people into your life and in your business. I
only for me to get to that layer of authenticity. And truth of what my current lived experience actually was as a business owner came with the threat of losing cred credibility, losing authority,
losing the image of leadership. When you’re someone who so many people have turned to. As a place of strength and stability and safety over the last few years, if you start to show signs of your own collapse, the fear that I had in me was that I was gonna be taking stability away from the people who I knew were relying on my space to stabilize themselves.
And so there was almost like a codependency storyline forming there within myself that I had to hold it together. And every day that I held it together and just pretend that I was fine, it just, it just got worse. And it, and we know this, we, we intellectually understand that. Of course, that’s what would happen when you are pretending the pressure that you put on yourself, you can only take so much of it before you collapse.
And so it was spring of this year that I pulled the plug on what was set to be my biggest event yet, which I had scheduled for, gosh, almost a year and a half. I think it was 15 months or something after the second event. ‘cause I was like, well, 15 months I should be fine In 15 months I can handle this.
That 15 month countdown.
I felt like the most intimidating countdown clock I have ever faced. Am I gonna be okay enough to do this? How am I gonna pull this off? How am I gonna get through another event? How am I going to stabilize myself in time? How am I gonna strengthen myself enough in time?
And I was five months out, I believe, five or six months out, and I had the worst attack to date. They weren’t as frequent by that point in time, but they were still just as violent. And this attack, this attack, this episode happened in my home, in the presence of people that I care about, that I love, that I feel safe with only my mind and my body were telling me the exact opposite of that the fight or flight kicked in and it didn’t let up for hours.
Most attacks up to that point. The longest ones where your heart is racing, your vision is blurring. Your extremities are draining of all of its blood supply because your body believes it needs to save you from something. So it rushes all of your blood into your center mass to protect your organs and keep your your vital organs.
Pumping with enough blood and oxygen so that your organs don’t go into failure because your brain is telling your body that it’s dying and we have to fight to save it. Being in a state like that for three to five minutes is, is terrifying enough, but to be in a space where you’re in that space for hours and.
You can’t stand up properly because you don’t have feeling in your legs. You can’t get your heart rate to calm down. And in this particular experience, my heart just broke because I felt so powerless, so helpless,
and that was the first time that I agreed to go to the hospital. Up to that point, that was a complete and total point of refusal for me because I knew exactly what they were gonna do
and I didn’t want to go the medication route. I didn’t wanna be put on antidepressants, anti-anxiety, anti-psychotics, whatever, cocktail. Of choice is for people in situations like me that so many of my friends had been through and were also shockingly enough going through things. So similar to me at the same time.
I was going through them and to witness what the medical system was doing. Uh, that that was just not a path that I wanted to take.
And so I. I agreed with my husband that we needed to go because I was actually scared that I was gonna die,
and I didn’t care at that point what needed to be done to help me. I just remember the whole time, this was early April of this year, so about six months ago. We were driving to our local emergency room and I was crying the whole way there because in my mind I was trying to figure out how I was gonna tell everybody that I didn’t have much time left because that is how.
Close. I felt to death. I thought I was going to get some sort of diagnosis that would explain everything. Oh, you’re, you’re, you’re experiencing this because you have X, Y, z. Fill in the blank and you don’t have much time left. Your body’s shutting down. I was certain that’s what I was gonna be told. And so.
They triaged me right away, which is saying a lot for Canadian emergency rooms because of the state that I was in, and they immediately started running tests to make sure that my organ function, organ function was fine, that my heart was fine
to rule out anything, uh, of. Major significance while I was in their care
and everything came back clean,
they had sent a lot of blood work away that takes time, um, for diagnosis or positive results to come back, regardless of of what it was. They were testing me for all sorts of autoimmune like. In other words, things that they couldn’t tell me about right then and there to rule those things out. So I had, I did have to wait a couple of weeks for all of my results to come in.
All of them came back negative for everything that that they tested me with. And they tested me for something like 27 different things. And I think a lot of people in that situation would feel so frustrated because. They almost like sometimes we almost want to be told what’s wrong with us, so that at least we have a starting point to try and figure out how to fix it.
This actually gave me a sense of relief because I knew there wasn’t actually anything wrong with me, which meant that I had full power and control. Over my experience and I was the one that had to fix it. I didn’t have to rely on medical professionals to do that for me.
So the calm that I felt after everything had subsided in the hospital room and we were looking at being released and then heading home. And when your body goes through these attacks, it, it’s, it feels like the equivalent of running a marathon because of the taxation on your physical system. Just the toll that it takes and, and the way that I’ve described it to people that don’t understand what it is like to have a panic attack, because I had so much ignorance around this before I started having them myself.
Picture the way that your mind and your body would respond to something as traumatic as being chased by a grizzly bear. Every day you go through that traumatic experience, think about how taxing that would be on your nervous system, your stress response, your cognitive abilities, your adrenals. Your strength, your will every day, the grizzly comes back and it’s still chasing you, and you’re in a traumatic state, chronically.
So the exhaustion that you feel after these attacks, it’s like you, you literally just ran a a, a marathon up a mountain. And so the fatigue that comes with this is crippling, especially as a business owner who.
Everything starts and stops with our energy and our clarity and our, our smarts and our our speed and our ability to pivot and turn on a dime. And when you don’t have energy to, to move. How do you have the energy to run a business, especially when the business is community oriented and you’re, you’re in service to hundreds of people.
How do you do that? For that two year period, nearly two year period, I had to cut 90% of everything out of my calendar so I could preserve enough energy to be able to show up. For the calls that needed me the most, and sometimes that meant that that was the one call that I would have that week because that’s all, that’s as far as my energy could get me.
Before it was too much and my capacity would just be squashed.
So after the hospital episode, I knew that I needed to make massive changes. And the one that I was staring at, or I should say staring at me at this point, glaring at me as if to be like, what the hell do you need me to put you through before you make the call to cancel your event? How much worse does this need to get before you stop?
The problem was you have two years of decline. In revenue steadily combined with not meeting your sales targets for your first two events, which compromises the budget for those two events, combined with not getting a tax shelter in place in your corporation sooner rather than later, combined with. Next to no energy to engage in marketing and sales initiatives to try and resuscitate your business.
When I got to the point of I have to walk away from this event, which was called Wealth Stock, the irony of this is not lost on me guys, like
I will, I’ll go into that in a whole other episode because the. The lessons that wealth stock taught me without wealth stock needing to even happen are profound. But I’m in this position to say, I, I know I can’t host this event, but if I do can cancel it, I’m gonna be staring down the barrel of a financial gun that is going to kill me.
What do you do?
You. This. This is the definition of like you’re in between a rock and a hard place, and like that doesn’t even do it justice. I either sacrifice my body and my mind and my wellbeing and myself, and I move forward with this event, or I sacrifice my bank account and pray to God I can generate enough revenue to process a refund.
That’s the equivalent. Of a mortgage,
it’s, it’s one of those decisions that it leaves you breathless
because you know that no matter what you do,
you are so fucked.
It is just a matter of like, which fuck do you wanna be?
I chose to cancel the event and I made that announcement with. A very transparent video share to our ticket holders. Strategically speaking, I announced a 90 day refund window to give me space to process what I was able to process after a year of paying a team after. A year of just planning events, investing in marketing, branding, all the things that the, the costs of events.
Unless you host an event, people have no idea. In other words, money, I was never gonna see again gone. But because I don’t have investors in these events, that means that they are funded by the sales of the tickets for the events.
The 90 day window was designed to give me breathing room. Just let my system feel safe for a minute and give me space to generate enough funds to cover off the refunds in full.
But I couldn’t have anticipated that I was going to go into an even deeper downfall over my 40th birthday when my husband and I took a trip to the States for two weeks. It was the coolest road trip, but it was also the most heartbreaking two weeks I’ve ever experienced because I.
I was sad ‘cause I felt like I was losing everything. That business that I worked so hard for, the brand of MYM and how beautiful it was. The community that had built up around me. The fear of losing your reputation of people. Misunderstanding you of people
not being understanding of the situation.
The loss of so much of my life over the last few years between the pandemic bullshit and the fight, and.
The constant go, go, go of trying to keep everything moving and all the balls in the air. I just felt like I lost five years of my life and it came crashing down on me during what should have been one of the most beautiful trips that we’ve ever had.
And then you feel the guilt because you’re not fully present. I’m worried about my husband and how much he’s going through watching me go through all of this and this strain that this puts on a marriage.
I won’t even get into the conversation around family and, and kids. I get asked this all the time. But this plays a role in that too. And so
I. It’s just one of those seasons that I pray that most people can avoid in life, just brings you to your knees
to lose that. Uh.
Confidence in me that is so innate. I’ve always been a very confident woman. I was a confident girl growing up
to have what feels like a, a switch be flicked.
And your self-esteem is just all of a sudden gone and you don’t know how to access belief. Again.
As someone who has supported, I don’t even know how many people in
believing in themselves to do the things that they wanna do in their life. I was sitting there, I’m like, I don’t know how to do that for myself right now.
It’s like you try and pull out every tool imaginable and nothing works. You cannot, you cannot get through to your own mind and the fear that that brings, because I’ve always been someone who believes, like you put your mind to anything, you can do anything.
The fear of feeling like I actually didn’t have the power to do anything,
was I what? What is the word? I don’t know. Jolting. Shocking. Terrifying, hopeless.
Yet somehow you have to keep moving forward and you have to figure out how to keep leading. You have to figure out how to keep showing up when you know that financially you are about to lose everything if you don’t figure this out while simultaneously trying to create a sense of safety in your nervous system.
So that you can get your health back,
what do you do?
The interesting thing is. Even though I solved one problem and I was looking at the very real next problem that I was gonna have to figure out canceling my event, the correlation between my panic attacks and me making that decision is undeniable. I went three months without having a panic attack.
I had a brief one. I was at a social gathering that was, uh, just a little too much for my system and I didn’t stay true to what I promised myself I would do is like leave when it’s done instead of kind of like hanging around after I just, I know my limits and I pushed that and. One started to come on, I was able to catch it.
So like even then I was like, okay, I’m, I’m even getting into a place where I can regain control of my system quicker when an attack does happen. So I, even though I had one, I still saw it as improvement, but there was some devastation on the coattails of that because you just get so scared that you’re gonna go back to that place again, and you don’t know if you can actually survive that.
But making that big decision and facing the thing that I had been avoiding and worried so much about letting people down, worried so much about people questioning. Me, my leadership, my abilities, like all of these things that we try and protect ourselves from. We try and control these images of ourselves.
Me finally stepping out in front of that, it’s like my nervous system was like, thank you. You’re catching on. So the amount of attacks I’ve had in the last six months, maybe. Three, which is huge. It’s huge for me. Uh, haven’t had any and just regular day-to-day life. None in my home, none in the grocery store, none behind the wheel.
So I have that type of stability being restored in my life.
I gotta be so honest with you guys. When you, when you are someone who has quite literally made a living off of helping other people learn how to make money, it was called monetize your mind after all. And you end up in a position where like if the money was outside of a wet paper bag, you wouldn’t be able to fight your way outta that wet paper bag to get it the.
Cruelty of my mind to me during this has been unrelenting
to feel like I can’t walk the talk
to feel like I, I can’t find that belief in myself to feel like I can’t.
Manifest the things and the experiences I actually want. I can’t fix any of this fast enough so that I can just have peace of mind restored, which I haven’t had access to in like five years.
It’s one of those things where every day you get up and you’re like, how the hell am I gonna make it through this day? When is this gonna end? What am I doing wrong? Why is nothing I do working?
Will I ever normal again? Will I ever feel normal again? Will I ever be able to access joy without having to fight for it?
And I caught myself, which is why I’m sitting here literally still in. My pajamas is a Tuesday morning. I haven’t brushed my hair. I have no makeup on. I have wedding nails from my sister’s wedding that are growing out. One of them is missing, like we are not podcast ready, but I’ve been saying I’m not podcast ready for two years because I have felt like I’ve had nothing to offer anyone.
It’s the courage of so many people around me who have honestly taken, this is the crazy part of all of it. They take my leadership and apply it to their lives and have the courage to share their lived experiences
that’s on podcasts or social media and their personal brand authors writing books.
I believe in the impact of what they’re doing when they can’t see it, when they don’t understand the power of sharing until they have shared and then they see it and they can experience it through how others receive your shares.
It’s because of the people that do these things all around me that made me say, you need. To start this podcast from where you’re at. I’ve absolutely been telling myself that this is something I’ll do when I feel more worthy. When I feel like I am more valuable to people when I feel like I can be of greater service, when I feel like.
Something I say can actually be helpful to another person, because you have to understand like the inside of my mind, the last few years, the last two years, but specifically this year where everything just crashed.
You don’t believe in. Your value or your worth or your ability to contribute in meaningful ways, it’s, it’s just a horrific and relentless dialogue that doesn’t let up,
even though fundamentally and intellectually. I know that by sharing this with you this way, I guess as my first episode. This podcast will probably be incredibly impactful for people who listen to it, but to actually give yourself permission to do something like this is not easy,
not when your brain is fighting you every step of the way, and your nervous system is hanging on for dear life and you’re trying to run your business. And you’re trying to fix a flaming financial fire in another business,
and you have to use your energetic resources and output to just like, give yourself enough belief to, to, to just keep moving forward every single day.
Especially when we’re touching on things that are just really hard to talk about,
leadership business, money relations, community. Like when, when it just feels like these things are not working
and everything just feels so hard.
We try and protect ourselves from sharing during these types of experiences because we don’t want people to think less of us. That’s why we don’t hear about the stories of people’s, you know, over people overcoming things until they’ve overcome it. And I used to have this thought process be like, we share from the scars, not the open wounds.
And I think my thought process when I held that belief was like, I just don’t wanna put my shit on someone else’s lap. Like, what am I actually contributing if I’m just out here complaining about how hard everything is? And I think we also know that there’s just a a huge sense of performative authenticity that exists in the online world as well.
That can feel kind of icky. I just like, I don’t, I don’t wanna share from that place. Once I figure things out, then I’ll turn around and share and I can help people kind of have a path forward. I don’t have that, I don’t have that for you right now, other than I get up every day and I do the best that I can and that has to be enough.
That’s my message. It has to be enough. If you’re in one of those seasons of your life,
doing the best that you can with the resources you have has to be enough. The dialogue of, I should be doing more, I should be moving faster. I. I should be dealing with X, Y, and Z. When your system isn’t resourced, to be able to carry you through the, the rate of speed that you wanna move at, the things that you want to do and put behind you and fix and solve, build and create like God, someone like me.
For those of you that know me,
to not be able to do all of the things that I wanna do is really, really challenging.
But can I put my hand on my heart and say I’m doing the best I can every day? Yes. Then that has to be enough, and some days I can’t do anything
because I’m either so tired or I’m so defeated, or I’m so hopeless, or I’m so hormonal because I’m in fucking luteal phase.
But sometimes it’s just a win to shower, brush my teeth. That’s still me doing the best that I can, and it has to be enough.
I don’t know what my success story’s going to be. I don’t know how that’s going to reveal itself.
We always talk about this path that we, that we write about, even in my publishing house, which I’m so grateful for right now because it’s, it’s nourishing me. So thank you to the team and our authors there.
But we talk about like, how do we take a person through our story? I don’t know what this story is going to turn out as, which is why it’s just so strange for me to to share, right? I’m like, where are we going with this? I don’t know. I have no idea. I don’t know if everything is going to miraculously feel better by the end of this year.
It’s November 11th, so. I don’t know if I’m gonna be in this for another year, another two years, another five years.
I have no idea. But this is why I was holding off on undoing this. Every, every part of you, your ego is like going to hiding. Stay small. No one wants to hear about this shit. Everyone’s got enough on their plate. People definitely can’t see someone like you falling like the,
if there’s so much liberation in full expression. I know that I’m also robbing myself of maybe the one thing that can actually help me finally cross this finish line, and that is to just be true.
There’s freedom in that. There’s spaciousness in it. There’s a, you loosen the white knuckle grip. That you have on every situation that you’re just, you’re trying to control because you’re just like, if I just control it harder, we’ll get through this faster. It’s like, well, it’s not working like that.
And so if I stop trying to control it and, and try to
continue to show up like I’m akay, which I’m so fucking not. Then maybe that’ll give me more breathing room. Maybe this is the way that I actually can fully heal from the last few years that my system can actually experience complete safety
so that my body feels safe again, so that my mind. I can stop spinning
so that I’m not terrorized by the quiet of 3:00 AM when something jolts me awake and I start running through the list of everything I’m failing at.
Maybe this is it. So here I am. I gotta keep an eye all the time ‘cause I have to host a call in 55 minutes and this is not abnormal. For me to be in this type of state and then have to do a quick, like brush of the hair, put some makeup on to hide the redness from crying, cool off my lips. ‘cause they always get really puffy and swollen when I cry, blow my nose, put my glasses on so that people can’t see.
My eyes are swollen.
And I just don’t wanna operate under that facade anymore,
and hopefully maybe this will give somebody some heart balls to come outta hiding too and give themselves that freedom to just be where they are in life. And to just acknowledge the challenges and the difficulties of the season that they are in and just know that it is temporary.
Everything is temporary. There is another side to this. There will be a moment. Where we all come out of it, maybe we don’t even realize it until one day we just realize that we feel better and then we realize that it’s over. So if you’re in a position where it just feels like you don’t have access to the life that you know that you once had that you want, because everything is just clouded by this big storm, maybe it’s hitting you in one area of your life, or maybe it’s.
Like me, where I feel like I’m, I’m taking arrows in every major facet of my life right now. It is temporary and we’re all doing the best that we can. So if you’ve made it this far, thank you. Oh God, I’m, I’m not sorry. I should have brought Kleenex. I didn’t know it was gonna get this bad.
If you’re like, well, if this is what this podcast is going to be, uh, I’m not tuning in for episode two because this is some heavy shit. I don’t blame you. This is not what I want to do for, for my podcast recordings, but what I will always stay committed to is what is true for me now. If this is what is coming through now, then this is what is going to make it to the airwaves.
I am hopeful that there will be more, more happy content than heavy content, so you’ll know that whatever happens here, it’ll always be real. Uh, I think for the foreseeable future, if you’re an early listener, you’ve started listening to this podcast, from this episode when I launched it, which I don’t know, maybe I’ll do it today.
This is how unplanned and unscripted this is. Um, then I, I don’t know that I’m gonna do the guest thing. Oh, sorry. I’m like snorting snot right into my microphone. I’m sorry. We’re not editing this out. Yeah, I don’t know if I’m gonna do the guest thing right outta the gates and, and truthfully, I don’t know if I’m going to, or if I just want this space to feel like completely liberated where I’m like, I got something to say.
I’m gonna turn the mic on and we’re just gonna go with it. I don’t know if there’s gonna be a day of the week that these are gonna drop. I would like there to be some sort of consistency so that you can have that kind of expectation here, but I just don’t know.
As of a couple of weeks ago, my podcast felt like something I might do one day or one year, and now here we are just doing it. So, uh, just forgive me if we’re a little rocky here, right out of the gates and, uh, we’ll, we’ll see how this goes together.
Yeah. I do have some sponsors too, which I’ll share in the next episode.
Businesses that I like really, really love. I’ve got affiliate codes and stuff and promo codes and just cool shit that I wanna share with you. So we’ll probably have those plugged into some of the episodes and, uh, always links to anything that I’m up to. Anything I’m involved with creating, building, all that good stuff.
I’ll end by saying this. There is a profound knowing that even though this has been so hard this year. The hardest year I’ve ever had in my life on the coattails of the hardest four years I’ve ever had in my life. It’s like this is the grand finale. I have this profound knowing that there is something magnificent on the other side of this.
And on those really hard days, I hold onto that. I know that there will be a day that I’m able to, I.
Live with such an incredible amount of peace within myself. My confidence will return. My joy will be accessible again. Abundance will be unlocked. Whatever wall is up around me right now. That’s keeping me so scared it will crumble.
And the wisdom that I have obtained throughout this, the resilience that I have grown, oh my God, the training of my nervous system and my ability to. Access, safety, even when everything feels so horrifically unsafe around me. I know that all of this will be incredibly helpful to so many people, and I know that that’s coming for me.
I know that that’s where I have a little bit of peace and trust and faith. There’s so much more I could share. This was like the summary notes, but there’s probably about 20 different topics at least, that I could just pinpoint and zero in on and expand on those individual circumstances within this greater experience.
That is my life that, uh, I may probe on individual episodes, but for now.
This is the best that I can do, so thanks for listening.
